Pictured – North Britain’s most prominent political analyst.
Disclaimer One: This piece of ranty polemic contains swear words. Lots of swear words. If you don’t like swear words – fuck off.
Disclaimer Two: This piece of ranty polemic takes aim at all sides in this stupid fucking debate and if, by the end of it, you think this doesn’t apply to you then you’re a fucking idiot.
Come in, sit down, we need to have a chat. You see, a lot of you have been acting like utter fannies lately and that normally wouldn’t be a problem (hey, it’s the internet, block, mute, ignore) except some folk are desperately intent on making that a big issue.
You better already be sitting down for this next bit because it will blow your fucking mind:
Apparently there are nutters on Twitter who swear and have a conspiracy-nut streak.
No, I’m being serious! Stop with that shocked expression, this is real! No, I’m not talking about those folk who believe 9/11 was caused by feminists trying to destroy video games, or that other mob who think the video game industry has been infiltrated by the US government so they had a reason to invade the Middle-East again.
I’m not even talking about the mob of angry – often misogynist – knuckle-dragging arseholes who form the basis of the Yoon Patrol – think ‘shitty North British version of the Justice League’ – prowling social media for nats to attack ( especially female ones).
No…I’m talking about the nats. And not just nats, SNP-voting nats. The worst of all the Twitter nutjobs.
Now some of you may not be shocked at this news. Some of you may be scratching your fucking heads wondering why the fuck this is back in the (alternative) news agenda. And you’d be right to wonder. Because as far back as the start of the indyref campaign, the more vocal – and often intolerant – end of the nationalist social media bubble were held up by the mainstream press as representative of all fucking nationalists.
And in doing so a narrative was created – all nationalists are like this so therefore all nationalists online are fair game. Many a decent cybernat was caught up in the witch hunts of the gutter-fucking-press. And all the while the abuse from unionists on social media was ignored. Only sweary nats made the paper, and it was a deliberate attempt to shut down debate and to demonise all Yes voters. To taint the campaign by association.
“You don’t want to vote Yes, do you? You don’t want to be one of them, do you?”
But the referendum is fucking over. Or have you failed to realise that? Did you notice we lost? Because as far as I can see there’s a Holyrood election coming up, and while the prospect of another indyref is a distant speck on the horizon right now, party politics has stepped onto the stage and some people really, really don’t fucking like it. (I fucking detest it, that’s why I never joined the Greens as I was intending to after the No vote.)
Now here we are, on the field, we’re drawing 2-2 with Team Unionist but the bookies have given us fantastic odds to give them a thrashing. The game’s almost over though. Time’s running out but their goalkeeper, part-time Scottish Liberal Democrat leader Willie Rennie, is sitting on the side-lines eating a flump and flicking through the pages of his copy of the Hungry Caterpillar.
We have an opening. The game should be ours but instead of seizing the fucking initiative we turn on ourselves and start bickering about folk being in the wrong position or not passing enough. And apparently someone wasn’t wearing the right boots, so that means they’re working for MI5 or some shit. And then someone else said something colourful about someone else’s dad, and that’s it. We’re no longer playing ball but knocking lumps out of each other while Willie Rennie looks chuffed with himself that’s he’s finally managed to finish a book.
A football analogy. You see what you’ve made me do? And I fucking hate football.
There has always been a vocal and annoying bunch of nats on social media shouting about this, that or the next fucking thing. I view them as the online equivalent of Sean Clerkin screaming at people in the streets (or Jim Murphy for that matter). You know what I do? I block, I mute, I unfollow and ignore. Isn’t it magical to have that level of control over your social media experience?
But now a narrative – fucking ‘narrative’ – is emerging of SNP voters being intolerant of dissent, of shutting down debate and of censorship and all that other bollocks. You’ll often find articles espousing these views on websites like CommonSpace and Bella Caledonia which, by rough calculation, boasts a combined monthly readership of about 150-200,000 unique readers. How, in the absolute name of fucking Christ and Buddha, being able to post views on these platforms can, in any conceivable fucking way, be described as ‘shutting down debate’ is fucking beyond me.
Seriously. Am I missing something? Has Sturgeon issued a directive instructing the cybernats to gain control of all alternative media servers? Is everyone walking around with gags on their social media accounts, only being allowed to type positive things about ‘oor Nicola’?
Of course none of that has happened. The SNP get criticised (if you can call it that in some cases, more like ‘gets mud flung at it’) in nearly all corners of the traditional and alternative media. Nobody is silencing fucking debate because nobody has the fucking power to do so.
Why, in the name of Earthworm Jim, do I even have to say this shit?
Politics. That’s why. There are alarming similarities to the ways in which some alternative-media voices and fringe-party activists use online interactions and disagreements to further their own agendas.
Now let’s be abundantly fucking clear here. If you’re going to engage in online abuse, be it racist, bigoted, homophobic, misogynist or general cunty behaviour, then you can fuck the fuck off. Absolute no time for that shite.
However, there’s a chasm of difference between genuine abuse (see Neil Mackay’s twitter timeline highlighting it), and people disagreeing with you. The latter is not abuse and it fucking cheapens the term and those who suffer it when YOU conflate the two for your political ends. Scottish Labour did this, remember? It’s deliberate and fucking insidious. Don’t think so? Think it’s acceptable to do so because you’re on the right side of things? Well that’s the arrogance of the left speaking. An arrogance and audacity that places the individual as belonging on the ‘real’ side, and thus any action can be legitimized because of it.
“No, how dare you draw parallels between what the right-wing media/supporters/parties do and what we’re doing! It’s not the same thing because we’re socialists! We’re the good guys!”
Or some such.